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I think a bunch of us need to get together and write a self-help book for other women married to a man who has a narcissistic ex-wife.
Are you in?
I can't begin to tell you the number of comments I get regularly on a few of my posts dealing with my husband's ex-wife. For the record, it was not ME that defined her as a narcissist, however I HAVE created her new reference name of MS. NARCISSIST from here on out. It was my therapist of years, who also started working with my husband as well, who made us write down a specific title of a book dealing with narcissistic personality disorder. We started it, and didn't put it down until the end. It.Was.Our.Life. The next therapy session I cried. I was told that it will never go away.
They usually say the first biggest achievement in tackling life's challenges is identifying what the root cause of a problem is and becoming self-aware of it. However for me, it has only made things worse. Reason being, there is no solution or fixing someone else's behavior when it comes to narcissism - unless you can walk away and remove that person from your life. And this is the biggest solution in any book you pick up on "How to deal with a narcissist". But of course, in our case, this is not possible.
I recently got a "hate comment" regarding one of my posts naming ME as the obvious narcissist. I actually thought about it quite a bit. But truth is, I don't think that's the case. My therapist said I am simply allowing her to pull me into the competition around things I would normally NEVER CARE ABOUT. So that is what I work on - my reactions and the things only I can control.
There comes a point when you just get tired of it all. I think that's where I am right now with all the underlying BS. I will never tire of being a step-mom though. Nope. I will never get tired of that.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Narcissistic Ex-Wife Self Help Book - Any takers?
Posted by Susan at 8:09 AM
Labels: narcissists, Narcissstic Ex-Wife; Let's write a Self Help Book
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10 comments:
I think it would be a great idea. I would love to be able to tell my latest story, which is how I came to find this blog. I was at witts end and looking for help. I may just tell it, because we all know, there will be stories to come!
My husband, myself and my daughter were going to go meet my step-son at a horse show where WE were going to look at a horse to buy. I knew the ex was there as well, but didn’t count on what happened to happen. I usually try my best to stay away from her when she is around, which in the past 4 years has been maybe 6 times. When we arrived, we met up with my step son and he showed us a few horses he had an eye on. When we were looking at the one, his mother and her boyfriend came up to us and continued to hang around. I should have known then I was in for a ride.
So the horse we liked was up for auction and my step son (he is 18) started bidding on the horse and we won it. The next thing I know this crazy bitch comes running up to me, grabbed my arm and is saying to me “how exciting, yea, lets go see him.” WTF? You see, I do not have any respect for this woman. She left her son with his father and was/is a mother when it is convenient for her, which isn’t very often. But as we all know, when she is around, she is fricken mother of the year. So, as to not cause a scene and to be civil, I followed, like a little puppy being dragged on a leash. We get to the stall and she hugs the seller, yelling “we won him, we won him.” Again, WTF????? Am I missing something? Is she writing the check? Is she going to drive to Ohio from Kentucky to shovel shit and feed?? I really doubt it. If you had shown half of the enthusiasm with your son as you do for MY horse, maybe I wouldn’t despise you so much. This is a woman who wouldn’t drive 30 minutes to her son’s last high school career football game but drove 6 hours to pretend she is important in the horse world.
Well she continued to hang out with the horse, telling people it was her horse, making arrangements and getting all the information that I needed to know from the seller. My daughter and I were just standing there, like hello, can we see the horse that WE just bought? We finally had enough of watching her pretend it was her horse and went for a walk. Truth be told, I was so upset and sick to my stomach, I went into the bathroom and threw up. She later said to a friend of mine, after she told her “look what WE got,” that I was pissed off at something and stormed away. Listen, you crazy bitch, I didn’t storm off, you were the one making an ass out of yourself and if you think for one minute anyone believed your obnoxious little act, you are wrong. You do not always have to be center of attention. Oh, and would you please take the picture of MY horse of your facebook page?
This is the short version of this story but it felt great to vent!
I'd be glad to help. I could fill a book myself just in dealing with his worthless waste of a human ex-wife. And it's only been 2.5 years since I've even known her.
I love your BLOG! I can relate to your posts like it is right out of my life. LOL I just love the way you vent...saying all of the things I so badly want to say myself but never do (well, unless I am pushed over the edge). I would love to add to your stories. I too, feel like I could write a book about the craziness that my husbands ex-wife even comes up with. It is amusing but frustrating at times. I try to laugh it off but sometimes, I crack and say something I probably shouldn't. But a girl needs to vent. Right? Thank you so much for writing your blog. I know that one shouldn't enjoy listening to another persons pain but I share your pain and feel close to your stories...I can totally relate! When I read some of your posts, I have to laugh. They are so similar to my experiences that it is a bit scary......almost as if my husband previously married your husbands x's twin demon. LOL Wishing you all the best and perhaps we can all help each other.
I'm in. I'm not married to my partner but I've got a mountain of stuff for you.
I feel sorry for men and the system post seperation that supports women over men without question. Equality should be just that.
We are dealing with some parental alienation issues now and found a framework to minimise contact with her. Frameworks are hard to get in because she needs chaos to control my partner. Looking forward to your blog. You've got a firm supporter here.
This a great idea...having grown up with a Narcissistic Mother (whom I thankfully, though painfully, have completely cut ties with) and currently (happily) living in a blended family- while almost daily fighting off the malignant infestation of his ex's narcissistic shenanigans...I sometimes feel like "boarder patrol", "armchair psychologist(slash) bartender" and one of those "troll eraser pencil heads" (on days when my head is spinning....)
I have to believe in Karma...and that what I went through as a child of a narcissistic mother, has afforded me the insight needed to help my partner stay strong in dealing with his ex- while trying to counterbalance the crazy, unpredictable and ever changing home-life they have while with her 1/2 the time- with a level of personal accountability and expectations, the right to having their own voice while encouraging self-advocacy and boundaries... boundaries...boundaries...
I would love to catch up and contribute if you are interested...
Thanks for a great blog- it helps more than you know!
What is the name of the book the therapist told you to read? I'm in desperate need of a good one to help me deal with this crap that I have recently married into. It sounds like everyone of them is just alike - sick and pathetic. I love reading your blog. Please keep posting!
I would be more than happy to contribute. My husband has since lost his kids to the narcissist ex, but we keep them in our prayers and hope someday they will realize what their mother is and how sick she is. Here is an example that stays in my mind. We went to see one of his daughters in a play. Normally we try and coordinate so we would not be there the same time as the ex as there were multipple showings. Somehow it ended up that my husband and I were there the same time as the ex. His other daughters were there and not one of his children came to say hi or to sit with us because mom was there. They stayed very close to her and because there is no friendliness he could not go to them. I even ran into one on my way to the restroom I said Hi and she acted like I was a stranger and I said are you going to come over and say Hi to your dad she said I guess so, she never did. I mean wow! I was so shocked because when they are at our house away from mom for visitation they are completely fine. I could go on but that is just one of many examples. You have given me the thought that I too need to blog since I cannot confront her directly as it only feeds her sickness. Keep up the postings there are many of us out there that are glad to know we are not alone.
Kim
Just wandered onto your blog from a search consisting of the words "i hate my husband's ex wife". I'm sorry there are other women out there like me, but I'm kinda glad I found someone who can understand the nonsense, BS and problems of an unmedicated psychopathic ex! Anyway, looking forward to reading more. Feel free to look me up anytime!
~Jen
I think that would be a good idea. My ex-wife has always been a nightmare and goes through periods of being worse than others. My grandfather just died and guess what? She's on one! Every attempt to create trouble and is making claims re me not wanting to see my children that are simply just made up. Not fully sure what to do, but I am certain that Parental Alienation Syndrome is fully at play and that my kids will be the ultimate losers. I suspect my daughter is being turned away from me. So YES - a book is needed and this issue needs some serious highlighting.
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