In The Clear???????

Did you ever have a time where suddenly you were bombarded by out-of-the-blue hints that force you to do something you should have done a LONG TIME AGO? I mean, eerie, sudden hints? Eerie, sudden hints that continuously slap you in the forehead, to the point you ask yourself:

How much longer can I actually put something like this off????!!!

Here are the facts:

• I have two girls and my husband has two boys. Grade-wise we have a kindergartner, first, second and third grader. Yeah, I know.
  
• My husband had the amazing courage to offer to get a vasectomy last year. Actually it was 15 months ago this Christmas, but why would we be counting, right?


• Routine follow-up for vasectomies includes TWO sperm-sample checks, to ensure the procedure went as planned, and there is NO sperm spillage... sperm leakage... You know, accidental pregnancy for a couple that has way too much on their plates already.


• We never got our second sample check.

Here's the sudden, eerie hints I'm talking about:

• Psychic at recent psychic party feels "MORE" children around us. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


• Lunch at my husband's Urology office 2 weeks ago [I am a drug rep]: Stories of two men just coming in with pregnant wives, both after vasectomies that didn't get samples re-checked. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

• Waking up too many times with temporary birth control ring stuck to my right ass cheek. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
  

So this proud procrastinator would like to say, "We did it, everyone".

Sperm-Free, and Proud.

OK, My Family Is Just As Nuts!

In honor of the holidays, and the fact that my mind is still pre-occupied with work issues, I am going to post our family Christmas card. I was able to mail out 80+ this past Monday, which is absolutely unheard of in my world... Um, can you say "Procrastinator"???? Between me and my husband, we would put off wiping our asses if possible. And how I even thought of that type of exaggerated example to just throw out there into this black, dark, cyberspace of a hole, I have no idea, aside from the fact that there must be some truth to it.

So anyway, as goes my potty mouth, so goes our Christmas card.

Totally "nontraditional" however, in my mind... absolutely "perfect".

Happy Holidays!

I'm way too busy. Here's Why. And Check this out.

I'm having a few challenges this week with keeping up on creative blogging content.

Here's Why [like how this correlates directly with my title?] :

• Work is kind of the priority on my mind and my phone is ringing off the hook. More details have come about my department, and we're going from a group of 300+ to a team of 125. I'll find out January 5th, or soon after. Merry fucking christmas. And everyone who is calling me: STOP WITH ALL THE "WHAT IF's". I can't be dragged down with all the unknown, so leave me alone. Let me enjoy my last month, being as irresponsible and incapable as possible. [Except for you Carla - I love friends who are willing to strategize as to how I can best spend the next 20+ weeks of a possible severance package living the good life until reality hits me right in the ass. Bring it on girl.]


• My husband's ex-wife is back from a 12 day trip. She's back. What a wonderful time it was for us and the kids.


• The girls had yet another half-day of school today. I'm not sure why this seems to surprise me as they pretty much never have school any more. No wonder kids can't pass state exams. Maybe if they held school more often, they'd fucking learn something.

Oh, and for my "And Check this out" part of my title, CHECK THIS OUT:

I know many of you already read Katie over at Stray Raisins. But if you haven't already, PLEASE, for your own entertainment, click on the below link. I dare you to tell me you can't relate to her story about the obnoxious ass - AKA: Stupid Haircut Kid. I am still snorting my wine, laughing out loud, and I thought that in honor of her hysterical post, I would just use it as content for my own. Thanks Katie!

http://www.strayraisins.com/2008/12/your-little-cherub-is-obnoxious-ass.html

Blogging Lesson Of The Day

I'm going to make this very quick. And let me just say that this is a perfect example of how my life works on a regular basis, and I swear new readers, totally unintentionally.

What not to do when attempting to research and join new blogging networking sites such as Blogamama or SITS in order to find new blogging friends:

Do NOT comment on any new social site the exact same day [or actually 7 minutes after] writing your last blog post entitled "I'm A Blog Snob. I'm so sorry." without realizing that your comment will actually entice other curious social networking members to possibly click on your comment link which will then direct them to your latest blog posting which boasts what a fucking snobbish blog bitch you actually might be, and how you hate blogs that might focus solely on content such as kids, food, recipes, blah, blah, blah...oh, sorry.

And did I mention that this also opens you up to receiving horrid, tear-your-ass-up comments from members of that social network that don't even know you, and because of this you shouldn't give a shit about what they write back on your blog consisting of 6 total readers, [thank you dear friend Libby for pointing that out yesterday], but these comments will stir within you for hours upon hours, not allowing you to sleep and forcing you to talk about it with your husband seven hundred and twenty four times, even though you get no reaction or empathy back, forcing you to realize that you are totally on your own and need to then stand up for your right to write what you want to write since that's what blogging is all about anyway?

Well, if I didn't ever mention that before, I'm throwing it out there today. BELIEVE ME. Don't do it.

Holy shit, are we THAT Bitchy??? yep...

NINE WORDS or PHRASES WOMEN USE

[Disclaimer: I would like to thank my sister-in-law for this. Author is anonymous.]

[My husband said he could have wrote this himself.]

(1) "Fine" : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) "Five Minutes" : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) "Nothing" : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in "fine".

(4) "Go Ahead" : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) "Loud Sigh" : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of "nothing".)

(6) "That's Okay" : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) "Thanks" : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say "You're welcome". (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "You're welcome". This will bring on a "Whatever").

(8) "Whatever" : Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) "Don't worry about it, I got it." : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.

I think this is hysterical.