Friday, July 3, 2009

OCD is obviously hereditary. Shit.

I've come to the realization that my little OCD child may be learning tendencies from me.


Shit. Well, you tell me... Is it normal to:

  • Ensure that during your nightly set-up for delayed timing of morning coffee brewing you also lay out in precise motion exactly ONE SECTION of a select-a-size paper towel set at a perfect diagonal, your coffee cup, 2 Splendas and a specific favorite coffee teaspoon so you are fully prepared in the morning for instant gratification?
  • Take 22 minutes before bed to apply prescription arm lotion in specific stroke movements, always right arm first, then left, then pop an Allegra, then reapply wax to poking metal brackets of new braces before even speaking one word to your husband because even the smallest messing up of such a ritual will set you off and force one to start over from the absolute beginning causing husband to stare at you as if you were a crazy woman?
  • Eat popcorn one popped kernel at a time, even though you are starving and craving the buttery taste, but have developed such a habit so many years ago you can not think to entertain any other mode of consumption? First, grab fistful of popcorn with right hand; second, transfer fistful of popcorn to left hand in one swift move; third, use right hand to feed mouth individual kernels from left hand, one by one.
I swear I'm laid back about a lot of shit. It takes me less than ten minutes to get ready in the morning in order to leave the house. I can pick up a pair of wrinkled jeans from my closet floor and pair it with a 2 day-worn tank top, dress and feel newly re-freshed without hesitation. (I'm not sure why I'm proud of that, but I am.)  Put me in an uncomfortable situation at work or out socially, and I'll think to myself, "Hey, whatever..." and find some way to make a joke out of it.

But WTF is up with some of this other shit?  Seriously. To my 7 year old Kid2 who I've so many times cussed out about your OCD tendencies, nightly routines of tucking blankets and obsession with the remote control, today you receive my compassion and apologies.  Mom's messed up, kid.