Sunday, February 7, 2010

Sex Education and the Questions That Follow

Sex-Education tips from a Mom who doesn't hold  back:

1. Be prepared to be placed into the "Totally Disgusting" category.  Yep, that's where I landed since my youngest child finally correlated "having a baby" to actually "having had to have sex".  I think I can play this one out to my advantage for a few years.  Sex = Disgusting.  Perfect.

2. Don't compare "sperm" to "fish".  Because after stewing over the conversation for some time, my step-son still can't understand how an actual "fish" could fit into a woman's vagina and swim through her body and stay alive.  I think I'm going to try "squirt gun" next time.

3.  Forget the line about how you promise not to "laugh" or "make fun of them" for ever coming to you with a question.  The whole point of this is to have them trust you, right?  Just abandon this at all costs. Because IMMEDIATELY after you promise not to laugh, you're going to be faced with the dumbest sex question E-V-E-R.  And you're just going to burst out laughing at them.  In their face.  Yep, full LOL.  And they will never come to you again, so save your energy up for the time when they realize Sex does not = Disgusting anymore.


Dr Zibbs said...

I've been upfront with my son. As for my daughter, I leave that to my wife.

Danielle said...

I know this is a serious subject, but that is funny! Good luck with this as I still have a few years. :)

Erin said...

OMG LMAO!! The part about busting out in laughter in your childs face! HAHAHAHA
My friend's kid thought a condom is where you tie it around the balls to prevent pregnancy! She had to excuse herself to call me in fits of laughter!!!!

オテモヤン said...


Melinda said...

i just refuse to discuss sex/baby making/baby delivering with our son. he's the type to take the discussion to his 1st grade class and I can't deal with the phone calls.

Anonymous said...

You have got to see this. Obama playing on XBox. Funniest video ever.

Anonymous said...

You keep me sane! So wish you would blog more! Blended with 4 precious kids - crazy NPD ex-wife - u make me feel a little more normal!

Anyway, the sex ? is understood pretty well here, it is the masterbation subject I am totally afraid of!!! =) Hoping that one will never come up!

BTW, crazy ex still tells my 2SD to call their vagina a front butt...what is that about?

thx again for the much needed humor in these situations!

ModernMom said...

Oh good grief! I'm right there with you! At 8 and 11 there is no end to the questions!

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That shit about the fish? Hilarious!

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Flabby Skinny Girl said...

LOL. This gave me a good laugh. I had my 7 year old come to me not too long ago and say, "Mama, I know the sperm comes out of the Daddys penis, but how does it get into the Mummies tummy?"...Ummmm...!