Monday, June 1, 2009

Susan Boyle, Me and my OCD Child

I'm not very shocked at the recent news stories around Susan Boyle's supposed nervous breakdown. I mean, how could any ho-hum-never-been-kissed-but-now-sudden-superstar-at-way-too-old-of-an-age human being make it through the unbelievable press and attention she's gotten over the last several months?

Right?

And then again, while I may not have to hide from photographers or journalists crouching outside my bushes to catch a glimpse of me at my worst moments, my life these days feels like a category 5 hurricane. Or tornado. Or whichever one of those damn natural catastrophes is described by some type of "categorical system".

These days my own definition of "Category 5" can also be described as:
"Complete Mother-Fucking Mayhem".

Yeah, yeah... whine, whine, bitch, moan. But in addition to all I have going on personally, my kids decided to enter new stages in life, JUST as we have tons of shit going on here at home. Well, OK, my 9 year olds' attitude still sucks the shit out of me - her phase just keeps spinning downward... however, my little soon-to-be-seven-year-old OCD kid has developed new tendencies at night time which basically revolve around NO SLEEP WHAT SO EVER. Her complaints consist of having wrinkles in her sheets, having no pajamas that are comfortable and hating her bed because it is crooked.

Am I the only mother that honestly with her whole heart truly attempts to console and cuddle and talk out these issues with their child they love and treasure to death for nights on end, but suddenly, when asked to tuck blankets tighter for the 17th time in a row, loses all sense of motherly instinct and checks out to no avail wishing her kid a night of hell, only to lock herself in the bathroom with the tub running in order not to hear the cries for mommy, waiting and counting to see how long it takes her husband downstairs to attend to issues he would never normally deal with because kid-in-question wouldn't DARE exhibit such bullshit behavior if alone with Dad or Step-Dad or any other caring adult for that matter?!!!!

Am I???

These are the days I feel like I suck shit as a Mother. My little 6 year old who deals with small OCD tendencies most likely caused by anxiety, [I will leave anxiety source ex-husband out of the story for not wanting to be convicted of defamation of character], is probably in her own way dealing with the traumatizing event of moving from the only one house she has ever known, and has expressed she doesn't want to go, even though she is filled with excitement after seeing the new house. Even the smallest change in routine knocks this kid to no end. And here we are as the adults in her world, not even contemplating the effects of all this change on the littlest of female beings, trucking on as usual, without even asking how she's doing with it all.

But then, just as I start to feel sympathy again, all I can hear in the back of my brain are the screaming words of "Tuck Mommy, TUCK!! Tuck harder, Mommy, GOD!" And then I hear complete tears.

Tears from both of us.



Maybe tomorrow will be better, that is, after we head "new pajama" shopping tonight.
If not, I may follow Susan Boyle's footsteps and check in somewhere after my awaiting nervous breakdown.

Wish me luck.

And in the meantime Sydney, I hope you know,
Mommy loves you more than the world.

We'll figure this out together, baby.



11 comments:

Missty said...

Aww, sorry. hang in there. Things will get better. I LOVE the name Sydney. My Spencer was to be a Sydney if he was a girl. lol

Swirl Girl said...

You are not the only one. I am amazed daily that my kids don't just self - combust ...that's what I do - and they are so much like me.

Stacie's Madness said...

*sigh*

there are many days I come to work and think, "I am a horrible mother, who gave me this job? I suck at it."

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I so feel like this also... like my life is on Crazy drive!!! Your Ortho post has got me scared a little to do the whole braces thing!

ModernMom said...

Ah Sweetie..Welcome to the "I Suck as a Mommy Club" We have all had days like that and you know what? I think only a truly wonderful Mommy can feel like she is suckin!

Pwn Star said...

Oh wow! Too much mayhem!

But so far, it sounds like you're doing an amazing job despite the stresses.

Good luck dear heart!

AZ Mommy said...

"Mommy, do my hair" 5 thousand times is what does it to me. Last night was the first night in our new house. ALL night long was;
Turn the light on
turn the light off
I need paper (seriously WTH he's 2!)
I don't need paper
I need my toys

and on and on and on

Sha said...

For god's sake put her in therapy. It worked wonders for Bailey. You can only tuck for so long. The therapist told me I was creating a false world by making everything "all better" all of the time. He has to use strategies himself or the anxiety will eventually take over. Just some food for thought. She's so damned cute. :)

Swirl Girl said...

I am visiting you again today too!

just so you know-
I think being 9 sucks monkey dick. Talking to other moms of 9 year olds...I think there's something going around. It's calle puberty.

Katie said...

If you do check in, get a room with bunk beds because I'm coming with you.

Anonymous said...

I see you put a lot of work into this one A. I respect it!! Good luck and keep up the good work.

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