How I Almost Poisoned Our Neighborhood

Mommy Tip #119:

When your child is admitted to the hospital for signs of "Moderate Poisoning" or "Early Symptoms of Acute Poisoning" which may include:

nausea, diarrhea, excessive saliva, stomach cramps, excessive perspiration, trembling, no muscle coordination, muscle twitches, extreme weakness, mental confusion, blurred vision, difficulty in breathing, cough, rapid pulse, flushed or yellow skin, and weeping...

NEVER ADMIT you were really TOO LAZY

to actually wash the damn sweatshirt.

Honey, Can you pull out the HOSE, please?