Saturday, March 7, 2009

Does "EXTENZE" male enhancement drink really work?

Have you ever seen those lame ass commercials for the male enhancement product called Extenze? We laugh every time we see one... our favorite joke we have is to order the actual "Extenze Energy Drinks" and have my husband walk into roll call one day at the police station, just nonchalantly chugging a can of it.


Hysterical.


And it was hysterical when one of my tiny Valentine's Day presents turned out to be the following:





[Oh honey, you REALLY don't need extension of any kind. I promise you that!]

So do you think the wine kicked in and we said,
"What the hell?"...

What do YOU think?:




Disclaimer: While I do not promote products on this site, I would like to say two things:

First, my husband does NOT require any type of male enhancement products what so ever...

(Feel better, sweetheart?)

And Second... Even if your husband possesses a bodacious and girtholicious member,

(which I am SURE he does), please, please... check this shit out anyway!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

How To Handle Being Overqualified In A Job Search

Dear Hiring Manager,

I would like to make this last plea in convincing you I am the absolute best candidate for your team. While I am excited that you find my past performance to be outstanding and my abilities to be above any other candidate you have interviewed to date, I am not willing to accept your hesitation in the fact that being "overqualified" means I will not be committed to stay with your company.

Please, all I ask of you is this:

Would you agree that I am also overqualified to attend 1st grade field trips, ride on yellow school buses with the pure entertainment of a huge fucking dried booger stuck to the bus seat where the group of girls I was responsible for at the time were sitting, and sit by smelly children [whom yes, I know, SOMEONE loves these children] who ensure their dirty [most likely scabey and lice infested] coat touches every inch of me as they take 30 minutes to get comfortable in a theatre seat?

I believe the answer is YES.
I am way to fucking overqualified for this.

But I am committed.

And I will continue to do this, for the love of my own child in supporting her class.

As I promise with passion I would remain committed to you.

In the meantime, I'll be dousing myself with hand sanitizer and Lysol, and helping school bus driver's flick dry boogers to ensure my own child isn't tempted in doing so herself.

Sincerely,
Overqualified and Oversanitized

God bless teachers.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My Husband and the Parkinson's Man and Why He Is Amazing

There are so many sexy things about my husband. I love watching him do things around the house. He loves his tools, and can fix absolutely anything. And it's not like I ever have to ask him to do something in particular. Last weekend, we found him in the midst of tearing apart our rather new leather computer bench in the middle of the TV room. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said he had heard me mention to the girls that the computer bench was flat and uncomfortable, so he was just going to fix it. His idea of fixing meant unstapling leather, measuring and cutting wood, and creating an amazing seat that we all keep commenting on. My idea of "fixing" would have revolved around heading out to just buy a new one.

Today, he's mounting our TV in the kitchen. I've been watching and he doesn't even notice. And his hands are one of the most sexiest hands I've ever seen...:


I'm not sure if it's the fact that he's a police officer of 14 years and that I've seen him at work in some unbelievable circumstances. I've heard about too many things I never knew existed in this country. I know that we are fortunate in so many aspects. He's seen more than many people would care to experience. Yet this, coupled with his unbelievable kindness and true respect of other people, makes him an amazing man.

Yesterday, as we were leaving my girls' soccer game, I realized I had picked up an extra trophy and had to run back inside before some 7 year old became emotionally distraught thinking their own trophy was stolen. My husband said he would get the car, and he'd pick me up at the front door in a few minutes. As I returned outside to wait for him, I suddenly saw an old man on the street corner crash down to the ground, watching and hearing his head impact the sidewalk as his cane flew into the road. My heart stopped. It was the loudest sound I've ever heard.

In the half a second I debated what to do - I immediately ran inside knowing that I wouldn't be able to handle the situation by myself, realizing I didn't have my phone on me. The slow pace and lack of concern from the employees at the local YMCA was nothing short of disturbing. I started yelling "PLEASE! I NEED HELP! A MAN HAS FALLEN AND HAS HIT HIS HEAD AND I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL 911!!"

A woman behind the desk slowly looked at me, then away, then slowly pointed to another gentleman behind a second desk on the other side of the lobby. As I commanded this man to assist me and bring a phone, I began to run outside filled with fear as to what I might find.

And what I saw, brought tears to my eyes.


It was my husband. Kneeling down in the street tending to the fallen man.


As Mark was pulling the car around, he saw the dropped man and jumped out to help. He was questioning him and examining his body before deciding whether he could move him without further injury. In minutes, we had 911 on its way, and God must have sensed what was happening as I know he was responsible for the medical resident who drove by at that very moment. My husband and this Resident were amazing.

The injured man I believe will be okay. He had a head contusion, was bleeding from scrapes on his hand, and was suffering from Parkinson's Disease. He had no family. He lived with friends almost 2 miles away and had been walking to one of the hospitals yet another mile from where we stood to visit a friend. He was 54. He looked at least 68. He currently had two broken ribs that occurred during his last fall. He falls regularly.

My husband held him in a safe position until the ambulance arrived. And to him, it was normal. It was no big deal, and this was what he or any passing person would do. He was just filled with kindness, concern and the natural sense and ability to help. His presence calmed me. His actions and eye contact spoke nothing less than "I'll handle it Sue, don't worry." To me, I think he is amazing.


And I can't stop thinking about the man.


Dear Old Parkinson's Man,

My heart and prayers go out to you. I hope you are okay, and I hope that in all of this you will receive appropriate medical attention not only for this fall, but to ensure your safety and well being from now on. Today you have reminded me that what I have done through work in the past 13 years is worth everything if it has helped at least one person in your condition.

Sincerely,

The Scared Blonde Who Really Did Run As Fast As She Could

PS... Happy Birthday, Baby. I am so grateful for the day you entered my life.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Sex Toy Blogger Contest - I want to WIN!

Since I started my journey in this electronic black hole of communicating with pretty much total strangers, I've never been one to enter those daily blog contests you come across regularly that offer prizes like homemade items, gift cards, and product favorites. It's not that I'm against them or anything, I just seriously never took the time or really found something I've been in absolute need of.


Until Today.


Thanks to Tattooed Minivan Mom.


You see, there are some things worth stopping life for. And today, I would like to declare that SEX TOYS would be one of them.

Now before you go thinking we have swings hanging from our mirrored ceilings and all, I'd like to make it clear it's not THAT crazy here. But, who wouldn't want a chance to win a choice of scented SEX LUBE plus a $50 credit towards any purchase at all from Eden Fantasys?

[Dorsey I KNOW you'll be in on this one. Katie however, no need to hide in your basement... I'm not FORCING you to enter, OK???]

And while I want to be selfish and keep this contest a secret, I'm racking 3 extra entry points for sharing it through a post...

So go check it out NOW... you won't regret it! SEX TOY CONTEST LINK .

PS... I did choose to spare you a related photo for today's post due to sensitivity of content. There's a limit to what I feel comfortable with posting in pictures these days...
And Google results for "funny sex toys" were actually NOT.VERY.FUNNY.
They were downright scary.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

MORE COWBELL by Will Farrell.... Not YOU BeeeYotch!


More Cowbell!!!


Or should I say to the lady blocking my view at the hockey game last night:


PLEASE....NO MORE FUCKING COWBELL BeeeYOTCH!
You are SO NOT Will Farrell.





Now, enjoy our most favorite Will Farrell clip of all times: