How To Handle Being Overqualified In A Job Search

Dear Hiring Manager,

I would like to make this last plea in convincing you I am the absolute best candidate for your team. While I am excited that you find my past performance to be outstanding and my abilities to be above any other candidate you have interviewed to date, I am not willing to accept your hesitation in the fact that being "overqualified" means I will not be committed to stay with your company.

Please, all I ask of you is this:

Would you agree that I am also overqualified to attend 1st grade field trips, ride on yellow school buses with the pure entertainment of a huge fucking dried booger stuck to the bus seat where the group of girls I was responsible for at the time were sitting, and sit by smelly children [whom yes, I know, SOMEONE loves these children] who ensure their dirty [most likely scabey and lice infested] coat touches every inch of me as they take 30 minutes to get comfortable in a theatre seat?

I believe the answer is YES.
I am way to fucking overqualified for this.

But I am committed.

And I will continue to do this, for the love of my own child in supporting her class.

As I promise with passion I would remain committed to you.

In the meantime, I'll be dousing myself with hand sanitizer and Lysol, and helping school bus driver's flick dry boogers to ensure my own child isn't tempted in doing so herself.

Sincerely,
Overqualified and Oversanitized

God bless teachers.