I'll miss you family, but this Peep is Outta Here!

I'm not sure what it was that made this week rather L-O-N-G.

Could it have been the two unemployment office "counseling" appointments I was forced to attend where I felt I had to haul ass from my car to the inside main lobby so I wouldn't be assaulted in the rancid neighborhood I was forced to drive to? Or maybe it was dealing with a cyber stalker who I believe would have loved to assault me no matter what I really look like, even though I do [thankfully] live 12 freaking states away.

All I can honestly say is: "It's been one L-O-N-G ass week."

And with that, I'm off Friday at noon to Philly for my annual girls weekend. And I can't wait.

From noon tomorrow through noon on Sunday I'll be in another world, talking nonstop, laughing uncontrollably and loving every minute of my girlfriends and their incredible stories that only they can tell in just the right way to ensure we all spit our drinks out simultaneously, while wiping away tears.

So this Friday I'm dedicating Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Fiesta to the Gang that I'm leaving behind.. even if it is just for 2 days...

Peace out to all my Peeps...

Momma needs a new pair of shoes...

And a very long spa day...

And a ton of red wine...

I Can't Take The Pressure, So Ladies & Gentlemen... My Boobs

You followers are KILLIN' me.

How can I simply joke ONE LITTLE TIME that I'd show you my boobs

in exchange for some tech advice and suddenly this is all I hear about?

My GOD. You people are relentless. But I do love you.

Soooooo, today is the day.

I can not take the pressure any longer, so please,

for those of you at work right now, come back later. K?

DISCLAIMER:

INAPPROPRIATE PICTURE FOLLOWS BELOW!

Ladies & Gentlemen... Please meet my knockers:

[deep breath, crackin' the knuckles here, very nervous, ok... scroll down...]

.............

keep scrollin'....

............

lil' more....

.............

more.... more.....

.............

little further.....

..............

almost there....

HERE!!! :

BWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

And by the way, I googled "funny boob pictures", and I'm not kidding, this was the first one.

And if you really want to know what my face looked like when I saw those things, it looked a little like this:

Except, I think I would have to pass on those boobs.

Yuck.

I hope you still come back.

xoxo

My Husband's A Cop, Asshole!

Horny Lurkers... Back the fuck off, please.

Let's Clarify A Few Things Today:

1. I love my husband, and he reads every word of my blog and connected e-mails - and that's because this is our fun, personal blog.

2. I don't share him. He won't share me... [except for that Blonde mystery woman we fantasize about together, but that's a whole other topic].

3. I love to get new visitors to my blog - and I LOVE reading new comments - but look, when strangers start e-mailing me sudden, lengthy notes on wanting to see my boobs, asking me what types of sex-toys I have at home, there's a line that's been crossed in my mind.

So for you type of lurkers, go fucking lurk on some other female blogger who is as lame as you. Maybe if you'd pay some attention to your wife instead of advertising your anonymous need for infidelity, you'd get some.

To each their own. Just not my own, thanks.

Highschool Friends... Why I Love 'Em

To my Gals at the Lost Dog Cafe:

I love you. I could go three years without seeing you and then get together as we did last night and just want to sit in the same spot for days. Not hours... Days.

PS... How the HELL did I miss out on limo sex night 5 years ago?? I am still devastated. Seriously. It's total bullshit.

Until next month,

xoxo

What's worse in my life of everyday CHAOS?

Question of the Day?

What could cause me this much angst tonight?

a) Finding out my 9 year old daughter kicked a boy in the nuts while playing in our local McDonald's play place even though he was blocking all four of our kids in the suspended tunnel and shaking it uncontrollably while mocking them repeatedly;

b) Receiving two essay length e-mails from my husband's ex-wife about first, her thoughts on sports selections for their 2nd grader who you'd think at this moment was in his third year of high school making a life decision around scholarship selections; and second, how she still needs to "ponder" our request for her to not pay the little tyke unheard of monetary awards for simply completing basic homework assignments that all other kids need to do as a normal reading requirement in class;

c) Realizing on this Saturday evening - the 7th day in a row of having all four insane and bad ass kids with us who don't give a shit about anyone else but themselves - after getting home from a family birthday party of 20+ people where kids ruled the entire house and the temperature in the main room rose so high causing the need to pat formed sweat stain marks on my new shirt with tissues - that I am now home, walking to the wine cabinet and noticing we are completely out of red wine.

Duh.

Baby, unscrew the vodka.

This bitch needs a drink.