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Why Won't My "Annoying Kid" SHUT UP?
ANNOYING KID HABIT:
Do you have an Annoying Kid like me that literally CAN'T.STOP.FUCKING.TALKING? And I mean EVER? For some reason, ours doesn't understand the concept of "Thinking" versus "Speaking". If he's told to "Please Be Quiet..." he will turn to singing. Singing words. Singing sounds. Singing the alphabet. Singing Names. Singing "I love to Sing". Singing. Singing. Fucking. Singing.
BRILLIANT PARENT RESPONSE:
Just before your head is about to explode and you physically have to restrain either your spouse OR self from reaching around from the front seat of the car with arms grasping to rip Annoying Kid's head off... STOP, and simply explain:
"Annoying Kid, you need to understand that the conversation you are having with yourself right now is one that you should be having with your brain. Not with us. Did you know that normal people actually don't have to HEAR themselves talk all the time? Normal people actually have conversations with their brain. Without their mouth working. Not out loud. And this would be one of those times. Talk.To.Your.Fucking.Brain... NOW."
Just before your head is about to explode and you physically have to restrain either your spouse OR self from reaching around from the front seat of the car with arms grasping to rip Annoying Kid's head off... STOP, and simply explain:
"Annoying Kid, you need to understand that the conversation you are having with yourself right now is one that you should be having with your brain. Not with us. Did you know that normal people actually don't have to HEAR themselves talk all the time? Normal people actually have conversations with their brain. Without their mouth working. Not out loud. And this would be one of those times. Talk.To.Your.Fucking.Brain... NOW."
Stay tuned for more Brilliant Parenting Advice coming soon...
11 comments:
My daughter is like this.
Even when she has nothing to say, she fills the time with:
Daughter: "Daddy?"
Me: "What now, hon?"
Daughter: "I love you."
Unbelievable.
Shit like that just drives me up the fucking wall.
Your blog is CRACKING me up! We come from two totally different worlds (I'm the lone single gal of SF), but I'm sooooo getting a kick out of this stuff. Hope you can come to my world and see how I live ;)
Oh my God! That is my oldest child! I don't know what it is, but he is just constantly! And I work in the high school he is in (he's a freshman). So its pretty much 24/7.
I just send him on his way or threaten to write him up! LOL he doesn't think I will do it! But I swear I will!
I just sing song right back to the annoying kid..."Blah, blah, blah, blah" - that usually shuts 'em up.
Ah, let me tell you it doesn't get better. You will have a 23 yr old telling you every detail about his girlfriends, his love life, the party he went to, his job, college! UGH!! There are things I as a parent don't need to know!! Really!
But then I guess its good - he wants my advice, or to use me as a sounding board??? UGH!!
Wish I could help you. lol
Oh yeah, I love it. And does your other kid then start yelling at Annoying Kid to BE QUIET. MOMMY MAKE ANNOYING KID STOP SINGING. PLEASE MOMMY! I SAID STOP SINGING! It just keeps getting better. And then the baby starts crying, and right then, you cell phone rings and you have the urge to drive the minivan into a fucking telephone pole?
Or maybe it's just me.
LOL! You just described me as a kid... my poor mom.
Hey...that's my little girl, I always have to yell at her to TONE it down!!! lol!
No, but I have a husband like that, does that count?
My parents were genius when I was about this age. They made me volunteer. Then they dropped me off the the volunteer coordinator for several hours. = Free babysitting.
It doesn't solve your problem, but at least you'd get a break from her.
(giggling now) I'd say it is brillant advice. p.s. I am helping myself to a glass of wine right now --in your honor
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