Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Holy Potatoes! I guess it could be worse.

[DISCLAIMER: I would like to note that I did google the story below after writing this post (and being taunted unsparingly by my husband for hours) and I found it to be a tale spread online 2 years ago...but I will continue to believe expert physicians on prime-time tv in this day and age hold some credibility, at some level. Otherwise, I am without blogging content for today. Thank you.]

[And for the record, you would NOT BELIEVE what you can find on the internet when googling "potatoes and vaginas". Oh. My. God.]

I'll probably be getting notice in two weeks that my job will no longer exist - and it has nothing to do with the "economic crisis" we are currently facing. In a nut shell, it's the nature of the industry I have lived in for 13 or so years... our next big drug for small-cell lung cancer didn't make primary endpoints in two of its three big trials. News just came last week... which was then followed by a sudden mandatory conference call this morning which shed the dismal light that many of us will be notified in two weeks as to whether we'll have to look for other positions within the company, or simply move on.

It should be a sad day for me, or at least one filled with a little angst... which actually, it is I guess. But then I heard this story while visiting my Dad's Cardiology office talking to my Mom who is his Office Manager there and some of the other girls who work with them and who have supported our family for many, many years... (my husband made me add the credentials so you know we're actually some what educated people here which you will no longer believe once you read the story below.)

Have you heard about the woman who in order to push up her uterus that was falling out (ie, YES, her baggage down below was too low!!??) inserted a potato to get by for an evening on the town, and forgot to take it out when she got home [all I can say is I have never had enough wine that I would forget to take out the potato I stuffed up my crotch] until weeks later when a horrid odor from that area forced her to go to a doctor and get an internal exam which caused them to find the rotting potato with vines growing inside her?

My husband says this is absolutely NOT a true story, and is equivalent to him shoving a broomstick up the tip of his penis and forgetting about it.. Total Bullshit... But my Mom swears this was a credible physician show where one of the experts on it was from Oprah, etc... I swear!! And yes, my husband sarcastically is yelling, "Well Fuck YEAH, of course, if it came from O-P-R-A-H then it MUST be true." [My husband is a cop and a skeptic.]

My life is just not that bad. And you can't go crazy about the things you can't control.

So whether my job is spared or not, I am trusting that my company will work with me as best they can... something they have a history of doing for its people, and the reason I've been with them for 13 years. And maybe I will be forced into not working for awhile [which has always been a hidden personal dream even though I am not sure how long I would last without the paycheck], and maybe I will seek a new career.

No matter what happens, I DO know deep inside, that for sure I can control the fact that I will never have a potato shoved up my crotch and growing vines. And for this, I will consider myself one of the lucky ones today. We can ALWAYS find things to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving Blogger Friends...


binks said...

That was so freakin' gross!
I think my sister did that once with an OB.
Not to hold in her uterus but.... well, you know.

Got my fingers crossed that you will have a few weeks off before your company finds you another position. (kinda the best of both worlds)

Dorsey said...

OMG!!! That's all I can say...and YUCK!!!

Karen said...

I have two totally true and sort of related stories:

1) My best friend in high school inserted a tampon and FORGOT ABOUT IT. One month (yes, ONE MONTH) later when she began to bleed again and tried to insert a tampon, it wouldn't go. So she went to the doctor where they discovered the M.I.A. tampon. She was totally horrified (as were the doctor/nurse) by the smell that permeated the room when they removed it. Ugh.

2) I have a good friend who is married to an NFL football player. He's GINORMOUS. She's 4'11" and tops off at 95 pounds. She had FOUR of his ginormous children. She, too, had a falling uterus. Her shit was literally falling out of her. To fix it, they had to STAPLE IT BACK IN THERE. Can you fucking imagine?!?!?!?!

Katie said...

At least the potato was buttered for the OB. LOL. Sorry, I had to.
That is so disgusting and you are an evil woman for posting this the night before Thanksgiving, haha! I love it.
I hope everything works out with your job??! I thought the psychic said everything was cool? Is it too late to get your $65 back?

Ms. Florida Transplant said...

I'm going through my reader trying to catch up on my blog subscriptions. Everyone has posted "I'm thankful for my family blah blah blah" and then I see what you're thankful.


Scary Mommy said...

OK. That was hilarious!!!!! As was the blonde sunglass story you posted on my blog. LOVED IT!! You are my kind of girl. :)

libby said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Natalie said...

OKay, this seriously happened to me. Only NOT the potato part. Just the uterus. I had to get mine stapled back into place. I wanted them just to take it out but I don't have insurance. Just thought I'd throw out a little TMI for ya'all. ;-)