Dear 38 Year Old Daughter Named Susan,
Welcome home from your exhausting 3 day work meeting where you have either been lost in remote airports or locked in hotel meeting rooms for the past 72 hours breathing in stale dry air while being forced to listen to too many corporate men trying to convince you they have the answers to all your problems even though all they do is drink beer, talk about how great they are and admit that they would never survive in their job if it wasn't for their stay-at-home wives.
I just wanted to let you know that while you have said I've earned my angel wings one too many times for all the help and support I have given you, I do not think I can help you any longer in watching both of your beautiful [nasty, rude, disrespectful, having a bad day, missing their mommy] daughters where as at least one of them at any one given time might face some type of challenging issue and resort to habits of fighting with one another which at very infrequent times may cause your little 6 year old to violently stab her breakfast waffles with her fork to the point of utmost concern.
I think she might need to see your therapist. Have you discussed this yet?
PS...I had a rather large delivery of concord grapes from a friend and thought you, Mark and the girls would enjoy a few crates. I have left them on your front porch, along with the girls, their suitcases and their bag of snacks. I hope they are still there when you arrive home.