Monday, March 30, 2009

Guest Post from My Husband Today on the Benefits of "Manscaping"



Yep, "Mark".

Sorry to all of Susan's loyal readers. My beautiful wife Susan's always funny daily thought is being interrupted today by my own guest post.

You can blame Susan and Tattooed Minivan Mom for this.

So go check out other Guest Posts over at

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THE IMPORTANCE OF MANSCAPING



While urinating in a public restroom this past weekend, I was reminded of one of the reasons why all men need to keep their lower region neatly trimmed [aka: "manscaping"].

After following the proper men's public restroom protocol,
(Rule #1: Always leave at least one empty urinal between you and the next closest urinator), I found an empty urinal and an imaginary spot on the wall, just above it (which is Rule #2).

Ladies, the "imaginary spot" is where we men look while urinating, never looking left or right out of fear of being caught checking out another guys' junk. (Yes, we are that insecure and are often secretly comparing ourselves.)

I then looked down in the the urinal to take careful aim, and there it was ...



Yep, that's a stray you see in there.



A Jumper.



And it's not mine.


I wasn't able to switch urinals (once again, see Rule #1 above), so I aimed and hosed that F'n thing down the drain to spare the next guy in line, and to make sure he didn't think "it" was left there by me.

I finished up and left disgusted, but proud knowing that I did not leave behind any strays.So Gentlemen please, keep it trimmed down there. Public restroom users will appreciate it.

Also Guys, always keep in mind... the other benefit of "manscaping":


"If you cut the grass short, the tree looks taller."

23 comments:

Cowguy said...

I think you pee in nicer places than I do. I'm usually looking at a plethora of pubes, a couple pieces of gum, 3 or 4 cigarette butts and one wad of Skoal spit in the urinal.

"If you cut the grass short, the tree looks taller."

LOL made me laugh.

Brenda Jean said...

BAAHAHAHAHAHHA I have never spoken to my hubs about public urinals. I now know why. Gee, thanks:)

I have to say as a chick, that I don't get the urinal thing. Why can't men just pee in the regular toilet? Who thought up urinals? Why are they not private? What is up with that?

Just saying...

moooooog35 said...

Plus, 4 out of 5 Congressmen prefer their men with shaved balls.

Don't ask me how I know this.

Susan said...

This is Mark:

To Brenda Jean: A women CLEARLY thought up a urinal because they are the only ones about bitch about peeing on the seat or not putting the seat down. It was total segregation.

Not sure why we don't get privacy... alas, the imaginary spot. Any other guys here to help me out?

-Mark

April said...

That was too funny.
Visiting from TMM's.

Jenners said...

Visiting TMVM guest posts.

OK, this was classic! But doesn't it violate some kind of rule to have a camera and take photos in the urinal? especially of another's guys "left behinds"? I'm sure that must be written down somewhere!

This was very educational, informative and I shall pass it along to my significant other as I'm sure he will get a laugh from it -- as well as have a few "yes, yes, those are the rules!"

Great job!

Stacie said...

AMEN!

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Hahaha!

Very good info to know...should I ever pee standing up in a men's restroom (they do have the gizmos now so chicks can pee standing up ya know) I'll be sure to look left AND right and tell those who need to know that they better shave their pubes so as not to gross out fellow pissers.

May the world be at neater nether region groomed place due to this post.

Tracey said...

*laughing hysterically*
Good guest post!

Poetry Sue said...

Mooog... is that you? LMAO manscaping has other benefits as well... I would rather play the skin flute if I know I won't be flossing later with nature's dental floss...

The Blonde Duck said...

I never realized it was so messy in the men's room!

ModernMom said...

This post should have come with a warning! LOL I was trying to eat my lunch. Super Yuck.

Katie said...

Ok, that last quote is pretty funny. But, Mark, God love ya, try squatting over a public toilet without the luxury of 'aim' and avoiding the stray jumper stuck to the rim of the bowl, and the puddle of pee on the floor from all the previous squatters with no aiming equipment.

Swirl Girl said...

Oh my Effing God!

THis was hysterical!

A jumper!! LOLOLOLOLOL!

Ronald10021 said...

Good post.

Does Mark go bare or just trim?

Does he do it himself, or do you help?

I'm not asking because I'm a perv (though I sometimes am). I'm curious and wondering how to approach the Mrs.....

Anyone else want to offer thoughts?

The Eadle Family said...

this was an awesome post. What did the guys think when you took a pic of the urinal? lol.

Found you though TMM

Susan said...

Listen. I was going to delete the one inappropriate comment on here {which by the way WILL happen from now on} however I'd like to note that this blog isn't about perv shit. Ok? Yeah, we got a sense of humor but when you start asking my husband shit about how we together manscape HIS pubes, we have issues. Good riddence and Peace out dude. Many other fish in the fucked up blogging sea, K? We're just not one of 'em.

Susan said...

-1st blogging experience - Great.

-Comments from others - Funny.

-Comment from ronald10021 - F'd up.

-Blocking ronald10021 from this site - PRICELESS.

-Mark

The Nice One said...

Okay, it's worse when you find them ON the toilet seats....

Chocolate and Steel said...

so if you stare at a spot in front of you so people don't think you are checking out their trophy, what did they think when you whipped out a camera to take a pick of the pube?

This was hilarious!

Susan said...

OK...Ive been asked a very good question, and one that I asked myself and really struggled with while I stood urinating just inches from someone else's coarse, curly pube. In order to take that picture I had two choices:
1. pull out my camera in a men's restroom. Never acceptable, and a move that could cause a real problem. Or, 2. Lurk around a men's restroom waiting until the room was clear and take a shot. So I chose option number 2.
-Mark

TattooedMinivanMom said...

I was wondering how you got that picture!

I had to come back and read the comments again. Cause of the Comment #15 post.

I feel you girl. I get weirdos every now and then too. While I do have pervy things on my blog, it's strictly for humor and funnies. It's my sense of humor.

I think they get too familiar too quick.

Like, I once did a recipe post where I injected cream cheese into a muffin and said I shoved the pastry bag up the muffins butt or something, and some guy left a comment that he liked to stick his cream in muffin butts too or something.

Now if you said something like that I would've laughed. We at least have some sort of repore. But some random stranger saying it was really, really weird and made me feel icky.

binks said...

I read this on vacation and was howling. But my phone suckith on the comment front.
Dr Evil says, "There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum...It's breathtaking."
But my sex book says removing pubes from your uvula burns like 1000 calories, so I'm conflicted.