Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Mail Can Be FUN!

OK, did you ever have a day where something stops you dead in your tracks and makes you wonder:

"Do I have a problem?"

[And no - I'm not talkin' about drinking too much red wine.]

This weekend, I was forced to think back about the content of some of my posts. I realize I've talked about my husband's male member at times - but all in fun - absolutely no "porn" twists to it or anything, right?

And then there was the time I suggested a website to those of you who haven't been introduced... do you remember??? Youporn? But THAT was a suggestion from a friend of mine, and see, I was just trying to share the wealth, people. Do you understand?

Ok, and THEN I quickly was brought back to the time I offered to show my boobs for some technical support... but if you read my entire post I actually ended it with "Just kiddin' baby"... which was directed to my husband, and was also implying to all my readers that I really wasn't actually prepared to show my real boobs.

K? You all following me here?

So when I entered one of my first online giveaways by Tattooed Minivan Mom for a $50 gift certificate to an online sex toy store... [I mean, come ON - who wouldn't want a couple of free sex toys, right???]... I started getting some rather empathetic e-mails from a long time follower... actually I think the first person I started following when I started this blog back in August. It was Dorsey. And she wanted to send me a goodie box since I didn't win the sex toy contest.

This blogging world is still all new to me. So when she asked me for my address via e-mail, I reminded her that my husband's a cop and if she was a stalker he'd literally beat the shit of her.

Nice response, right?

Because then I began thinking, what if Dorsey's blog is a big cover up???

I mean, all those videos and pics of her and her beautiful family could be fake. And then there is that thing about how she's so "real" in her writing... and how she posts all those old pics of herself from high school, you know? It could be anyone in those old pics, right??? And her real life journal entries from when she was sixteen? I mean, come on. ANYONE could do this, right?

And then it hit me. MAYBE, just MAYBE, it's her husband who blogs under her identity to secretly get innocent victim's home addresses so he can drive across the country to assault them.
Shit, my man's a cop, remember? I am suspicious of all people.

So this weekend, I get my goodie box. And here's what I got:

SOOOOOOO, if you know me well enough, I'm all over the paranoia shit.

Stalker or not, I'm keepin' it. And you know what they say... sometimes in life you gotta just take a chance, and roll the dice.

And I'll be rolling my sex dice each night this week thanks to Dorsey. Go check her out, and if you're nice, maybe she'll feel sorry for you too and send you something!

Thanks Dorsey!


moooooog35 said...

I roll the sex dice every time I go to the red light district.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Just hope that Dorsey isn't a sick fuck and decided to dip all that stuff in strychnine before she sent it, because that will go right through a mucus membrane.

Nothing like making one a little more paranoid.

Dorsey said...

Goodness, I wouldn't even know WHERE to get my hands on some strychnine, much less how to spell it without help. Ha! Nah, not my hubby..I just entertain him with my constant.."OK, listen to this! hehe Ok, this is that chick that wrote about her boobs that one time..with the cop..and all that shit. You listening?!?"

Dorsey said...

Oh, and glad you enjoyed the gift! I was just chastised by my hubby for sending a "goodie box" to a relative stranger but I can't pop a picture in the mail to my father-in-law of his grandkids. Ugh! I'll never win this one.

Candid Carrie said...

So that is where my package went. You shouldn't have opened it if it was addressed to me. Mail fraud, you should understand the law with your husband being a cop and all.

You've been a very naughty girl.

Dr Zibbs said...

You;re very paranoid.


Did you look?

♥Trina♥ said...

I found your blog through Vodka Mom's, and because of your comment about your hubby's ex-wife, I just had to pop in. After reading through your blog posts, I have finally discovered what the horrible ex--wife's issue is--she is definitely narcissistic! The things you said describe her to a T!

Sadly, my (step) daughters are 27 and 25, and the issues with their mother have not gone away. We just don't HAVE to deal with her any longer.

SBC said...

Wooo! That's a hell of a lot better than book about labor and delivery I just received in the mail.

Katie said...

I've been reading Dorsey's blog for a long time, and I'm guessing she's got closets full of "goodies" at home. The girl lives life to the fullest, Bow chica wow wow. Love you, Dorsey!

Swirl Girl said...

doesn't anyone feel sorry for me?? No-one is sending me goodie boxes of stuff...waaaaah.

The Nice One said...

Ha ha ha...!

Dorsey's sweet!

binks said...

Everything I get is sent to the old place of business. Not that the local perv can't track me down there and follow me home. Shit, is he still following???