Wednesday, January 28, 2009

And all I got was a lousy chicken sandwich...right?

So shoot me for posting a little "positive" yesterday.
And all that inspired me was a fucking Crispy Chicken Sandwich. One of the rare treats this mommy gets to experience if lucky, maybe once a month. So shoot me, okay?

Because let me tell you, it's not worth getting excited about the little things for too long . They only come back to bite you in the royal [growing faster by the day now that I'm not working anymore] ASS.

And without even going into a raging lecture about yet another god damn snow day today [I mean come on, my one free month of paid leave before leaving work and already having to face in just the last four weeks not only Martin Luther King Day, but 2 full snow days plus 2 morning school delays]? There is no justice.

Just ask this asshole who agrees justice does not exist.
Damn, that hair is ugly, isn't it?

In less than 24 hours I have found myself facing major challenges. First, my adoring soon-to-be 9 year old decided it's actually quite amusing to throw out the "F" bomb at her mom. For the second time ever. The first time was just 3 days ago. So at 7:48am I opened up a can of whoop ass. And that's all I'm sayin'.

The even more torturing challenge I have been presented with is the lovely friend my 6 year old decided to bring home two days ago. Her name is "Pink Eye". She is unwelcome and overbearing and has caused my already somewhat OCD child to regress into you-couldn't-believe-it-if-you-sat-here-and-watched eye drop administration "routines", which are 2 drops in each eye FOUR times a day for ONE FULL WEEK.

Here's my kids routine: Lay on a certain pillow, hold two tissues, one in each hand, pat each eye several times prior, deep breathe, count to twenty, close eyes slowly and say you're ready but as soon as the eye dropper is sensed coming near the corner of the eye jump straight up and yell loudly that you actually AREN'T ready and that you need to stretch first, and then lay back down and repeat entire ritual again before actual administration. Then repeat for second eye.

You mean to tell me Pharma companies can't do any better than that? Please. Save the god damn pens and pads and put some of that money into making our lives just a tad bit easier. Like we have nothing better to do???

So this is what our entire household looks like today:

And below is the book I'll be purchasing tomorrow, because of course I am TOTALLY a really "GOOD" parent. Right????



Anonymous said...

Um...I don't know what to say.

Hang in their cowboy?

or maybe...

Buck up little camper?

ooo, ooo, I know, I know...

Just say F*** IT! Eat a pint of ice cream or a fifth of Jack and go into a sugar/alcohol coma for a few days.

They'll appreciate you a little more when you come to.

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Swirl Girl said...

that'll teach you to not count your chicken (sandwiches) before their hatched...badump-cha.

Anonymous said...

I think along with the book, you may want to buy a mega bottle of wine (you know, the kind we never want to admit we can consume in one sitting ALONE. You know...For comfort and relaxation) and some duct tape (which can not only be used to tape your youngest to the bed during her fits of OCD eye drop ritual, it can be used to tape the mouth of the oldest child close so that she can no longer drop the F-bomb on her mother who is on the brink of a nervous breakdown.)

Dr Zibbs said...

His eyes are so close together. Don't you think?

binks said...

Man - that sucks.

I do, however, like the duct tape idea.

Hope tomorrow is not another snow day.

Katie said...

I hear you about ass growth spurts. I have taken a detour on the path to fitness to pretzel island: home of carbs galore.