Thursday, January 22, 2009

Oh NO You Didn't!

This morning during one of the typical "sisterly arguments" I endure among my girls on school mornings, usually during the last ten minutes of my "GET YOUR ASSES IN THE CAR NOW" speech, my 9 year old "accidentally" bumped my 6 year old out of the mirror while trying to rearrange her ponytail before school for the 27th time.

And as usual, the 6 year old pushed back.

And then IT happened.

The inevitable pinch.

I am not sure how or when this "pinching stage" actually started, but my soon-to-be-9-year-old has emerged as the "World's Best Sister Pincher", to the point of drawing blood, and causing way too many shed tears in this household.

So in the midst of sternly being told that Nintendo DS, Wii and computer privileges would be taken away now for 2 days, my daughter basically looked at me while standing on our TV room couch and did this:

OK, in all honesty, it was much worse. That kid looked at me and screamed from the top of her straight A, pefectionistic, yet still can be a bitch if I want to 60 pound frame:

"I didn't FUCKING pinch her!"


more silence.....

[thought to self] Oh NO YOU DIDN'T!

For the record, and as hard as it may seem to believe, I do not use my blogging language at home in front of my children. Actually, I believe the first time I even threw an accidental "F" bomb out in front of my own mother was at the age of 33 or so, while I was going through the nastiest times of my divorce.

And in that very same moment, I couldn't apologize quick enough. What utter disrespect to speak in front of a parent like that. And to speak TO that parent directly with such language? I remember hearing my dad say "F_#*" for the first time ever when I was in my late 20's. I was shocked. I never heard it again. I still remember it vividly.

So, this morning we are in the midst of developing the worse case of whoop ass grounding one has ever heard of. "Punishment" is too kind of a word. I have removed many items from her future room of "grounding". All electronic games and equipment are now gone. And we are creating a written assignment for her which if not completed and done with sincerity will only continue her weekend of torture into next week. Possibly next year.

And then I googled "creative ways to punish a child".

Any thoughts on whether you think this would work with a soon to be 9 year old?

I'm thinking this is brilliant.
With the addition of 5 dart guns for the rest of us.
Goodbye Wii.
Hello pure family entertainment.

My Dearest Samantha,

Don't mess with me girl.
You are in deep shit.



Doublebanker said...

The fuck adjective is a touchy one to be spilling out. Reminds me of "A Christmas Story"

Here's my post with a high-speed gif of bullet through a ketchup bottle

moooooog35 said...

Shit like that is why God invented closets and kibble.

Swirl Girl said...

at least she used it appropriately.

and the duct tape only works on 9 year olds around trees or telephone poles.
...not that I know from personal experience or anything ;)

Anonymous said...


Your girl's got some balls! But not for long.

Dani said...

You go girl and stick to your guns!!! I still remember saying it to my mother a couple times...she deserved it though!! ;)

binks said...

My mothers favorite punishment was scrubbing baseboards and tile grout with a toothbrush for hours or pulling weeds when it was 90 degrees.

I got her though, she says f*ck all the time now and she's 84!

Steph C said...

OH. My. Gosh. Hilarious pic you put up!! I just found your blog on Thirty Something bloggers. I'm new to it and finding a bunch of great blogs out there!! I'll be back! ;o)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

The first time I dropped "fuck" in front of my mother was when I wanted her to, well, fuck off while bugging me about whether or not I was waiting until marriage with my ex-gf.

She was reciting the same "she'll get pregnant" bullshit, and I finally countered with "Mom, I just fuck her in the ass and blow my load there. Stop worrying."

Anonymous said...

Yikes. That's way worse than me throwing a banana at my mother in law. At least I only went so far as to say "shit." I guess I have a thing or two to learn from your girl. :)

Good luck with that one! Try not to imagine how the teen years are going to go....

Katie said...

Can you duct tape the Wii remote just slightly out of her reach?