Another "Game On, Bitch"

I would like to announce to the world that I have not picked up a cigarette for social purposes or self fulfillment in:

18 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That would be EIGHTEEN days!

XVIII Days!

Or for those that speak Spanish I believe it is something like: DIECI-OCHO dias!

And even with all the success and pride that this achievement should bring to me today, I am consumed with yet another challenge I set out to combat about 18 days ago as well. I will whisper it softly so you recall what I am speaking of:

My
w - e - i - g - h - t
people.

I am absolutely PETRIFIED to even look at the new scale I purchased probably 10 days ago. It's been that long since our initial meeting, and I can not put into words how fearful I am to meet again. PETRIFIED.

Since then, I've watched what I've been eating. Less carbs. More protein. More water. I've also been to the gym on a regular basis. I am just not FEELING any improvement what so ever. Actually, I feel more bloated. I feel big. I feel desperate. So desperate that I actually clicked on TWO diet advertisement pop-ups yesterday while working on my computer.

Has anyone heard about Oprah's Acai Berry diet? I think they claim it can cure several diseases as well. That's pretty serious.

Or how about one of those popular juice cleanses being advertised? I just can't believe that people would pay hundreds of dollars for a 2 week supply of shitty flavored JUICES just to piss them out over the days to follow. Hundreds of dollars to PISS every 20 minutes??? To my dear and loyal friend Gayle King of Oprah & Friends, XM Channel 156: I do not believe I will be a follower of the Blue Print Cleanse you so personally live by to lighten your load after weeks of binging.

I saw one of the regular school moms yesterday outside while I was waiting for the girls at dismissal. Boy did she lose weight. Wow. I was always so amazed at how beautiful she was, but sisters, let me tell you, she probably shed 30+ pounds this summer. And I fucking hated her yesterday for it.

But being the optimistic person I am, I am going to turn my negative feelings into positive energy. She will secretly be my newest internal motivation, without ever having a clue I think twice about her. It will not be her obvious dedication to weight loss. Nor will it be the fact that after at least 3 years that I've seen her around, she finally made a decision to take control of her weight and succeeded.

Here's how my brain malfunctions, and creates motivational/inspirational thoughts:

My internal motivation to continue my weight loss journey will now stem from the absolute FEAR and HUMILIATION that I will be assigned to the same booth as her at the next school festival, knowing the entire time that my boot leg-relaxed style-wide through the hip cut jeans will scream "WARNING, FAT MOM HERE!" next to her nicely pressed size 4 skinny jeans as the kids all line up in front of HER vs. ME to play our game and win a prize.

Now that's what I call realistic motivation. Another "Game On, Bitch".