Thursday, September 11, 2008

Short and Stocky

Today I drove approximately 300 miles throughout my work day. Aside from listening to a lot of Oprah & Friends, (which I am addicted to since I purchased XM Radio last year and can be found on XM Channel 156 for any of you in search of yet another source of self-improvement), my blank driving time allowed me to focus on only ONE OTHER THING continuously all day long.

(HINT TO READERS: Today's Post Title = Me)

Let's just start out by saying that I bought a new scale last night and weighed myself this morning for the first time in probably one year.

And then let's just say that the "ONE OTHER THING" I continuously thought about all day long today was a specific number. Ummm...and that would be a T-H-R-E-E digit number. (Actually, it decided to scream out F-O-U-R digits, since it was kind enough to round my weight to the tenths place and include a decimal point for me, however this just makes my rounded out T-H-R-E-E digit number one pound more, so I am not even going to consider that part today.)

And then let me finally say this:

My weight is WAY TOO FUCKING CLOSE to my favorite XM Channel of self improvement.

Actually, it is SO close that I literally pulled the god damn instruction manual from the garbage to re-read proper usage for my new piece of equipment (who the hell has to ever read an instruction manual for a scale), and turned the god damn thing upside down realizing it HAD to be set on Kilograms, vs. Pounds. (Of course I don't even know off hand if kilograms would calculate more than pounds, but at that very moment, I knew they had to.)

Ummm........ nope.

Pounds. Manufacturer's preferred setting.

I suck. Actually, I need a liposuction tube to suck my body fat out. Everywhere. But instead, I will sulk around the house tonight and rename myself "Short and Stocky".

Then, I will wake up tomorrow and get my ass to the gym and eat dry celery sticks all day.
I can't wait.
Seriously.

And I am taking Tracey's suggestion, one of my few readers who suggested I continue to drink my wine for the sake of sanity, and in exchange, tack on another 20 minutes at the gym. Cheers Tracey. I'm off to uncork for the evening.

4 comments:

The Long and the Short of it said...

Haha! This post cracked me up. I too am short and stocky and been working on it for about a month. And it is HELL....

-oh and I absolutely love the part in your profile about trading an ass of a husband for a bitcy ex-wife. VERY well said!

-The Short of It

www.longandshortofreallife.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Cheers to you sis....I just uncorked a bottle myself and I am enjoying the peace and quite with both kids and hubby already in bed!! Although I will have to tack on an extra 40 minutes at the gym by the time I am done pouring the wine!! love ya and c u soon.

Katie said...

HA! I'm eating dry celery sticks right now. I hear ya, sometimes I wish I could just jump outta this skin.

Tracey said...

I knew you'd come around!
Your thighs may not thank you but your sanity will sure will.
Cheers!