Thursday, September 11, 2008

Short and Stocky

Today I drove approximately 300 miles throughout my work day. Aside from listening to a lot of Oprah & Friends, (which I am addicted to since I purchased XM Radio last year and can be found on XM Channel 156 for any of you in search of yet another source of self-improvement), my blank driving time allowed me to focus on only ONE OTHER THING continuously all day long.

(HINT TO READERS: Today's Post Title = Me)

Let's just start out by saying that I bought a new scale last night and weighed myself this morning for the first time in probably one year.

And then let's just say that the "ONE OTHER THING" I continuously thought about all day long today was a specific number. Ummm...and that would be a T-H-R-E-E digit number. (Actually, it decided to scream out F-O-U-R digits, since it was kind enough to round my weight to the tenths place and include a decimal point for me, however this just makes my rounded out T-H-R-E-E digit number one pound more, so I am not even going to consider that part today.)

And then let me finally say this:

My weight is WAY TOO FUCKING CLOSE to my favorite XM Channel of self improvement.

Actually, it is SO close that I literally pulled the god damn instruction manual from the garbage to re-read proper usage for my new piece of equipment (who the hell has to ever read an instruction manual for a scale), and turned the god damn thing upside down realizing it HAD to be set on Kilograms, vs. Pounds. (Of course I don't even know off hand if kilograms would calculate more than pounds, but at that very moment, I knew they had to.)

Ummm........ nope.

Pounds. Manufacturer's preferred setting.

I suck. Actually, I need a liposuction tube to suck my body fat out. Everywhere. But instead, I will sulk around the house tonight and rename myself "Short and Stocky".

Then, I will wake up tomorrow and get my ass to the gym and eat dry celery sticks all day.
I can't wait.

And I am taking Tracey's suggestion, one of my few readers who suggested I continue to drink my wine for the sake of sanity, and in exchange, tack on another 20 minutes at the gym. Cheers Tracey. I'm off to uncork for the evening.


The Long and the Short of it said...

Haha! This post cracked me up. I too am short and stocky and been working on it for about a month. And it is HELL....

-oh and I absolutely love the part in your profile about trading an ass of a husband for a bitcy ex-wife. VERY well said!

-The Short of It

Anonymous said...

Cheers to you sis....I just uncorked a bottle myself and I am enjoying the peace and quite with both kids and hubby already in bed!! Although I will have to tack on an extra 40 minutes at the gym by the time I am done pouring the wine!! love ya and c u soon.

Katie said...

HA! I'm eating dry celery sticks right now. I hear ya, sometimes I wish I could just jump outta this skin.

Tracey said...

I knew you'd come around!
Your thighs may not thank you but your sanity will sure will.